Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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