How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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