K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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