im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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