Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
