Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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