i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
