You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you inspire me to be a worse person
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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