Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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