when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
