If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
