Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
