It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
