Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
