this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
