I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
