i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
