I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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