Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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