I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
