I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
