Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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