After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
