i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
