we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
