I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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