so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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