The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
