none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
