i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
