and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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