I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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