There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He shit in the fireplace
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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