capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
