I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
