Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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