no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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