The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
