that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
