Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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