went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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