If that was your dad, he is hot
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
