ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
