That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As shirtless as possible
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Vodka?
Forever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
