my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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