mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
