That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
