you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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