my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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