Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
